7 Questions with 7 Answers...

"Judge of a man by his questions, rather than by his answers." 

-Voltaire

It seems I've been included in a blogging game - I love games, so I shall play along, Ganeida!




1. What is the one moment in your life you would love to live over again and why?
I firmly believe that all experiences combine to shape me into who I am today, so I am content to let them be. Some careless and hurtful things I may have said - those I would not repeat if given the chance. However who said that the living over had to be to fix a mistake? In my mind I relive several pleasant memories, enjoying past laughs and moments with friends, so I suppose that is a living over again of sorts...


2. Which historical figure would you like to meet & what is the one thing you'd really like to ask them? 
This is such a Ganeida-like question! ;) Not being a major history buff myself, whenever people have asked me that I never really have an answer, however upon further reflection, I think I would like to meet Mary, the mother of Jesus. I'm not sure I could limit my question to one, however. I'd love to know how Mary felt when Gabriel appeared, many questions about Jesus' life and then as she had to loosen her hold and come to know him as Saviour and Lord, rather than simply her son - how that was for her, amongst other things...


3. What is your heart's desire?
My heart's desire is to please my Father, that at the end I would hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant"; to live a life fully with Him and for Him.


4. What is my most irrational fear?
My biggest fear would be that I marry the wrong person. I believe that a marriage covenant is binding and that divorce is not an option (unless abuse is involved); therefore if not matched well with someone who shares the same beliefs, with whom mutual trust, respect and love can be reached - that would be as a jail sentence. I do think that it is somewhat irrational as I know that as long as it is in God's hands, that He will lead me to a man of His choosing and I can be content with that, nevertheless it is still there in the back of my mind.


5. Cat person or dog lover?
As much as I do enjoy cats, in my heart I am first and foremost a dog lover. They are not termed 'man's best friend' for no reason. 


6. If you could be a tree, what would you be and why?
Well, Lobstar - I'd say that question has already been answered! To you others out there, I have become known as the alter-ego of A Rathdowney Tree, also known as Lobstar's significant other! That may sound wrong, trust me it's not - merely a little odd. If I could choose something else though, perhaps a Moreton Bay fig tree. Living in the beautiful habitat of a rainforest, it is the perfect climbing tree and if I lived in a park or somewhere easily accessible, then I could enjoy children climbing all over me and having a great time!


7. When you meet Jesus, what is the thing you really, really want to say to Him?
Upon reaching heaven, I think my natural inclination would be to simply worship with music. As for what to actually say to Jesus - well we can talk with Him here and now, He is not far from us. We shall see when the time comes... I only know that it is something I long for dearly. 

As for passing this along, I think most people I would have sent this on to have already received it from somebody else, however if someone feels like answering these questions for yourself, go ahead!

His ways are higher

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways 

and my thoughts than your thoughts." 

-Isaiah 55:9

Reading a friend's post today, it made me think over whether I hold things loosely and allow God to do with them what He will, or whether there are some things that I consider mine, that I don't want to let go of. While friendships are something I have always struggled to hold loosely, I can see that is definitely something God is teaching me at the moment.

Thankfully, He has given me a success story that I can look back on and remind myself of God's faithfulness and how His ways are higher...

Since I was 7 years old, I have had the dream of becoming a professional orchestral musician playing the viola in orchestras in Australia and around the world. Everything was on track - I had always been the most advanced and accomplished musician in each school I attended, I was in the city, the state and the country's best orchestras much earlier than most and was always at the top of each. I was easily accepted to do a bachelor of music at university and offered scholarships to competing universities interstate to study music performance. I was already being privately tutored and doing workshops with some of the world's best musicians and playing professionally at 15 years old. 

Music was something I absolutely loved - I could get lost in it, playing multiple instruments. Playing an incredible masterpiece of music, composed centuries ago, playing with a group of like-minded people, in complete harmony with each other, the orchestra as a living, breathing organism with everyone playing individually yet completely aware of everyone around them and how it all fits together. Perfecting this in a single performance, sweeping thousands of audience members into a new world with you - it's a high that's incredibly hard to beat. (Since then, I have learnt that corporate worship is something equally amazing in the natural; only made better by the fact that it is God whom we are singing to and making music for and that it is more - worship is an exchange of hearts; something an orchestra cannot achieve). 

This is where my life was heading, until God stepped in. There was nothing wrong with that dream, but it was one which I was holding very tightly and would not release and God had other plans. Slowly He kept tapping on my shoulder and showing me a different path, asking me to hand over this dream to Him. After much resistance on my part, I stepped away from this dream and went where God was leading me - into school-teaching, then into missions on a ship and from there... where He leads.

Since this has happened, so much has changed in my life. I am headed in a completely different direction, but one I would not change for all the world. It is bringing me more challenges, more joy, more fulfilment and a closer walk with God than ever before. And since handing over that dream to God, He has since reshaped it, tweaked it a bit, and now handed it back to me. It looks very different, but still involves a life full of music - but now, He has given me the opportunity to learn new instruments I wouldn't otherwise have come to know, it is used to worship Him, helping others to worship Him, to teach others and build connections, to share and above all FOR HIS GLORY. What more could I ask?

Letting go was incredibly challenging, but infinitely rewarding. Once your life and all that is within it is touched by the fingerprints of our Creator, it will never ever be the same, but something more beautiful that can achieve more than you ever thought possible, because He works together all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). 

Father God, thank you that you love me and desire to give me the best; and the best is what comes from you. Thank you for shaping my life into what you want it to be. I pray that you would help me to continually hand all things over to you, knowing that some things may not return to me, but what does will then be infinitely better and more than I can ever imagine. Please continue to shape me also, into the woman of God you have made me to be - in your hands all things are possible. When that process is not pleasant, help me to understand that it is you working, that I may accept it and come to embrace those times as you smooth the rough edges into what you need me to become. That I may always desire your best, that you would be able to use me and that in spite of me, your name would be glorified. 

Create in me a clean heart O God...

Father God, HELP! Can you please get me out of here???

I know that this is supposed to be shaping me and molding me and strengthening me and whatever else you have for me to learn, and that hopefully it's doing something in the lives of my parents but I'm not sure it's worth it.

All I'm doing is failing and being hurt, again and again and it HURTS, God, it's really not fun. But you know this already yet you keep me here. It's only 3 months to go, yet I sometimes wonder if I can make it that long.

Everything I say comes out wrong. My every weakness and mistake is exposed, before eyes that don't know you - I'm not a good witness, I fall down at every single hurdle. Then when I think I'm doing right, parts of what I say are ignored, words are twisted and before you know it, apparently I've said and done something very different than what is fact.

I can't see one single positive thing in this situation, and I know you don't need me to help you Father, but wouldn't it be nice if I wasn't a hindrance every step of the way??? I'm not blameless in all of these situations, I know that and I admit it; but other than simply not saying a single word or not being at home, I don't see how that can be fixed. And when I'm not home then that is complained about, that I don't spend enough time with my family, but every moment that is spent here is so incredibly painful, for me and for them too, I'm sure.

God, I just long for them to know you, the love that you have for them, the grace and mercy you extend to them. Please open their eyes to who you are, Father God. Every day I learn more about who you are and understand more and see what their lives could be with you in it; and they are great people and have so much to offer, to be a part of the body of Christ, to understand where they fit in, to have a future and a hope, to know the joy that comes of being in a relationship with the creator of the universe, our Heavenly Father... I long for that day, for them, for You, for me - nobody wants to know their parents might miss out on heaven.

Father, help me to see my parents through your eyes, to love them as you love them. Please give me the words to speak into each situation, that they may see you in spite of me. Continue to smooth my rough edges, give me patience, wisdom, gentleness, kindness, self-control and above all a soft heart to what you have to say to me and a willingness to change, to learn, to grow and to love.