IF

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways,

then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

-2 Chronicles 7:14

I was in the middle of prayer and bible reading this morning when I felt this massive weight of sadness and grief and started crying so hard that it hurt and my body constricted and was shaking. Tears were coming so fast I could barely see to text a friend to pray. I had no idea what was going on, just that it was God doing something big but I didn't know what. I was confused and didn't know how to react, whether I was to pray for something, but I didn't know what as I started crying aloud and out to God, I didn't have words but he started giving me tongues - words were streaming out but I had no idea what they meant, just this overwhelming feeling of grief and sorrow more powerful than anything I've ever felt in my life. 

Then I started to get a sense of what it was that I was praying, that I was getting some of God's heart about his people and then it turned into a prayer for his people, part of which was: "God you are giving me your heart for your people - your immense sorrow that your people don't want to know you - their eyes and ears are closed, their backs are turned and hearts are cold toward you. How you weep and grieve over your people. O for revival in the church for the world to know you are the LORD God Almighty who was and is and is to come. In these last days your people are depraved - worshipping not just idols of wood and clay, but money, sex, power and THEMSELVES. When will they learn? How many times do you have to teach us before it is too late???" and at the end he gave me a scripture: 2 Chronicles 7:14 - "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land".

After I just felt drained, exhausted and reflective, but without a sense of peace that it was finished. The last few days I have been asking for him to teach me how he wants me to pray and to receive his heart. It seems that is starting to happen but I know he will only give me what I can handle - and the love I have for my parents and wanting them to know him, that times it by every single person in the world who does not know him or those who do a little but not really following him wholeheartedly and that is the heart of God in this. Something so big that only God can bear it, but I have been given a piece of it and as he feels I'm ready, more may come.