Time To Say Goodbye

Don't be dismayed at goodbyes.  A farewell is necessary before you can meet again.  And meeting again, after moments or lifetime, is certain for those who are friends.  

~Richard Bach

Goodbye has never been a favoured word in my vocabulary. I don't particularly understand why they are termed 'good' byes - byes are bad! However 'badbye' doesn't quite have the same ring to it. It is said that the term came about as a shortened version of the 'God be with you' parting phrase used until approximately the 16th century. Now this is one I can much better appreciate!

This particular parting is bittersweet. It is sad to be parted from current dear friends who have become as family, as well as my actual family. Having encountered such partings for significant time periods a few times previously, I am aware that no matter the good intentions, communication will often lessen severely and although people will be happy to hear from me, little or no effort may be made on their part and though my intentions be good, it will require much more of an effort from me also, being limited in form. I must say that since coming to Christ, I have found farewells slightly easier, knowing that despite the distance that there is always prayer, connecting us in heart, mind and spirit via the Father.

The sweetness lies in that I am obeying and leaving to go where my Lord has called me. The joy in obedience is incredibly sweet; knowing that my actions are pleasing God, that they have order and purpose as I step out in serving Him, worshipping Him and proclaiming and glorifying His name in this new way. It is this I must cling to, and also remember that with some partings there will be new meetings - an adventure lies ahead...

God be with you till we meet again;

By His counsels guide, uphold you,

With His sheep securely fold you;

God be with you till we meet again.

Till we meet, till we meet,

Till we meet at Jesus’ feet;

Till we meet, till we meet,

God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again;

Neath His wings protecting hide you;

Daily manna still provide you;

God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again;

With the oil of joy anoint you;

Sacred ministries appoint you;

God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again;

When life’s perils thick confound you;

Put His arms unfailing round you;

God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again;

Of His promises remind you;

For life’s upper garner bind you;

God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again;

Sicknesses and sorrows taking,

Never leaving or forsaking;

God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again;

Keep love’s banner floating o’er you,

Strike death’s threatening wave before you;

God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again;

Ended when for you earth’s story,

Israel’s chariot sweep to glory;

God be with you till we meet again.

(Words by Jeremiah Rankin)

The fullness of the gospel message

"Preach the gospel. And if necessary, use words"

-commonly attributed to St Francis of Assisi

The past few days, I have been pondering many topics that run in and out of each other. Along the lines of what the definition of missions and a missionary would be and how the term 'missionary' even came about (for those of you wondering, one website says the word "mission" comes from the Latin word mitto, which was derived from the Greek word apostello. This latter word means "to send"). Then how would you describe the 'gift of evangelism', how would it be evidenced in a persons life and is it inextricably linked to the missionary call? 


This then led into what evangelism is, the different ways of evangelising, what the aim of evangelism is and what/how it is to be said and I was sent looking through the gospels with the intent of finding out 'what did Jesus do'? In Matthew chapter 8: "a teacher of the law came to him and said, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go." Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." Another disciple said to him, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." But Jesus told him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead." (Mt 8:19-22).


Again in Luke, Jesus speaks of choosing Him over family and even our own lives. "Suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple" (Luke 14:31-33). 


These passages, among others, speak of a careful, well thought out decision. We often see, however, in the church where it is only the message of love that is spoken; people are chased after, pursued, pleaded and argued with to choose Christ. Yes, love is an important part of the gospel message: "For God so loved the world that he sent his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16) but it seems to be such a wishy-washy thing in the church today. Many new Christians quickly become disillusioned, having thought that life would become easier and without trouble and turmoil with God - they weren't told about the cost, didn't consider it. Christ left nobody disillusioned - instead it was more likely that one would turn away considering the cost too high. He told them the cost and then taught them to repent! "Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish." (Luke 13: 2-3). 


This may seem harsh, but what is more loving: telling someone the whole truth and allowing them to come to an informed decision knowing that Jesus is not a ticket to a free ride through difficulties, but that "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33). OR for someone to be told 'Jesus loves you, come have an easy life' where they will simply expect ease and happiness without repentance and at the end have their earthly treasures burnt up (2 Peter 3:10-11) and perhaps hear God say, "I never knew you" (Matthew 7:23)? 

"In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry." 

-2 Timothy 4:1-5

Father God, thank you for sending your Son to die on the cross for me, for us all. Thank you that I was told the true gospel message and truly know you and have the opportunity to learn more and more each day. Lord, as I was given the choice of accepting the gift of salvation, so I hunger to ensure others have that same choice. I pray that my life may be an example and a good testimony to your goodness and that as you bring others across my path that I would be able to listen and obey your promptings on when to speak and when to remain silent, on what to say - that my words would be your words. Father I pray that I wouldn't cause any to stumble by not sharing the entire truth, that I would be a loving and honest witness. In Jesus' name, amen. 


When I spoke to Ganeida earlier this evening and asked her thoughts on a question, she echoed back to me almost word for word some of the things going through my mind, however I don't know how well I have given them justice here or if this post has ended up what I intended as I began. So Ganeida, apologies if I seem to have borrowed your words/thoughts - I did give you an earlier disclaimer and I plead no intellectual property infringements!! :p

A Call to Prayer

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price." (I Cor. 6:19-20)

I found out about a year ago that there is one other small family group within our extended family that have a relationship with Jesus. This had been hidden from me, but when I found out was cause for great excitement. It brought about renewed communication, encouragement for my cousin that she had been praying for me for years and it's also encouraging for me to know there are others and we are praying for the same things!

My cousin's daughter (for privacy's sake, I'll call her Jess here - not her real name), currently 16 years old, has been on fire for God, maintaining a close walk with Him and had the wonderful opportunity to do 2 mission trips to a South American country where their group had a big impact and the chance to pray with the first lady of the country. So many exciting things going on in the life of this beautiful girl and God has been using her mightily already. 

Today I received a call for help for Jess in the following email (printed with permission):

We have found that she is basically addicted to two things…1) online pornography and 2) a relationship with a 24 year old South American man she met two summers ago. This is not your typical teenage crush. This man has actually traveled to the states and tried to meet up with her. Very extreme behavior in our opinion. We have contacted him, his church and the state department and this man still continues to pursue her. He even has a ‘countdown’ on his facebook page of the last time he saw her and the exact number of days until her 18^th birthday. She is obsessed with him. And even though we have blocked her internet at home, and her cell phone of his number, she continues to find ways to sneak communication with him. She goes over friends houses, borrows their phones, etc….

We have done everything in our power and so, honestly, we have given it to the Lord. Jess has no repentance, regret or even admission or confession at this point of any of these issues, even when confronted about them.

So we fast and pray, and wait on the Lord for wisdom. We know this is Satan’s attack on her to try to thwart the awesome impact she is having for God.

It also causes a problem with my family as they know much of the details of this and attribute it to our ‘Christian prison” we have raised her in…. she is rebelling against it in their opinion. While actually she still loves church and the Lord, she has too much pride and fear of condemnation (from man) if people were to find out and she were to confess. We have had many open discussions with her on this and it is up to the Holy Spirit to do the work in her.

So please pray. We pray the Lord will be victorious in her life and He will be glorified through it all.

I have been asked to pray and feel called to do so in my heart as well, continuously and I will be fasting on this issue also. I ask that you remember Jess in your prayers too, please. 

Jess is the fifth case of an under-20 Christian girl (it's not only the males who suffer with this) addicted to online pornography that I have been told about in the last 2 weeks. This highlights to me the strength it has and the destruction that this is wreaking, even throughout the church and in our young people. It has a long-lasting effect even after the addiction itself is broken and as well as putting up walls in a persons walk with God, the results of such an addiction can impact a person for the rest of their lives in the way they view relationships and in their own future relationships. 

As well as praying and fasting specifically for Jess, I will also be praying specific protection over our youth to keep them away from such an evil and for those who are already in its grasp, that they may be freed, find restoration in their relationship with Christ, healing from the impact of pornography and what it does to your mind and freedom from guilt and shame - that they would find at least one person they can be open and honest with, who can pray with and for them in this time. Please join me in this. 

7 Questions with 7 Answers...

"Judge of a man by his questions, rather than by his answers." 

-Voltaire

It seems I've been included in a blogging game - I love games, so I shall play along, Ganeida!




1. What is the one moment in your life you would love to live over again and why?
I firmly believe that all experiences combine to shape me into who I am today, so I am content to let them be. Some careless and hurtful things I may have said - those I would not repeat if given the chance. However who said that the living over had to be to fix a mistake? In my mind I relive several pleasant memories, enjoying past laughs and moments with friends, so I suppose that is a living over again of sorts...


2. Which historical figure would you like to meet & what is the one thing you'd really like to ask them? 
This is such a Ganeida-like question! ;) Not being a major history buff myself, whenever people have asked me that I never really have an answer, however upon further reflection, I think I would like to meet Mary, the mother of Jesus. I'm not sure I could limit my question to one, however. I'd love to know how Mary felt when Gabriel appeared, many questions about Jesus' life and then as she had to loosen her hold and come to know him as Saviour and Lord, rather than simply her son - how that was for her, amongst other things...


3. What is your heart's desire?
My heart's desire is to please my Father, that at the end I would hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant"; to live a life fully with Him and for Him.


4. What is my most irrational fear?
My biggest fear would be that I marry the wrong person. I believe that a marriage covenant is binding and that divorce is not an option (unless abuse is involved); therefore if not matched well with someone who shares the same beliefs, with whom mutual trust, respect and love can be reached - that would be as a jail sentence. I do think that it is somewhat irrational as I know that as long as it is in God's hands, that He will lead me to a man of His choosing and I can be content with that, nevertheless it is still there in the back of my mind.


5. Cat person or dog lover?
As much as I do enjoy cats, in my heart I am first and foremost a dog lover. They are not termed 'man's best friend' for no reason. 


6. If you could be a tree, what would you be and why?
Well, Lobstar - I'd say that question has already been answered! To you others out there, I have become known as the alter-ego of A Rathdowney Tree, also known as Lobstar's significant other! That may sound wrong, trust me it's not - merely a little odd. If I could choose something else though, perhaps a Moreton Bay fig tree. Living in the beautiful habitat of a rainforest, it is the perfect climbing tree and if I lived in a park or somewhere easily accessible, then I could enjoy children climbing all over me and having a great time!


7. When you meet Jesus, what is the thing you really, really want to say to Him?
Upon reaching heaven, I think my natural inclination would be to simply worship with music. As for what to actually say to Jesus - well we can talk with Him here and now, He is not far from us. We shall see when the time comes... I only know that it is something I long for dearly. 

As for passing this along, I think most people I would have sent this on to have already received it from somebody else, however if someone feels like answering these questions for yourself, go ahead!

His ways are higher

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways 

and my thoughts than your thoughts." 

-Isaiah 55:9

Reading a friend's post today, it made me think over whether I hold things loosely and allow God to do with them what He will, or whether there are some things that I consider mine, that I don't want to let go of. While friendships are something I have always struggled to hold loosely, I can see that is definitely something God is teaching me at the moment.

Thankfully, He has given me a success story that I can look back on and remind myself of God's faithfulness and how His ways are higher...

Since I was 7 years old, I have had the dream of becoming a professional orchestral musician playing the viola in orchestras in Australia and around the world. Everything was on track - I had always been the most advanced and accomplished musician in each school I attended, I was in the city, the state and the country's best orchestras much earlier than most and was always at the top of each. I was easily accepted to do a bachelor of music at university and offered scholarships to competing universities interstate to study music performance. I was already being privately tutored and doing workshops with some of the world's best musicians and playing professionally at 15 years old. 

Music was something I absolutely loved - I could get lost in it, playing multiple instruments. Playing an incredible masterpiece of music, composed centuries ago, playing with a group of like-minded people, in complete harmony with each other, the orchestra as a living, breathing organism with everyone playing individually yet completely aware of everyone around them and how it all fits together. Perfecting this in a single performance, sweeping thousands of audience members into a new world with you - it's a high that's incredibly hard to beat. (Since then, I have learnt that corporate worship is something equally amazing in the natural; only made better by the fact that it is God whom we are singing to and making music for and that it is more - worship is an exchange of hearts; something an orchestra cannot achieve). 

This is where my life was heading, until God stepped in. There was nothing wrong with that dream, but it was one which I was holding very tightly and would not release and God had other plans. Slowly He kept tapping on my shoulder and showing me a different path, asking me to hand over this dream to Him. After much resistance on my part, I stepped away from this dream and went where God was leading me - into school-teaching, then into missions on a ship and from there... where He leads.

Since this has happened, so much has changed in my life. I am headed in a completely different direction, but one I would not change for all the world. It is bringing me more challenges, more joy, more fulfilment and a closer walk with God than ever before. And since handing over that dream to God, He has since reshaped it, tweaked it a bit, and now handed it back to me. It looks very different, but still involves a life full of music - but now, He has given me the opportunity to learn new instruments I wouldn't otherwise have come to know, it is used to worship Him, helping others to worship Him, to teach others and build connections, to share and above all FOR HIS GLORY. What more could I ask?

Letting go was incredibly challenging, but infinitely rewarding. Once your life and all that is within it is touched by the fingerprints of our Creator, it will never ever be the same, but something more beautiful that can achieve more than you ever thought possible, because He works together all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). 

Father God, thank you that you love me and desire to give me the best; and the best is what comes from you. Thank you for shaping my life into what you want it to be. I pray that you would help me to continually hand all things over to you, knowing that some things may not return to me, but what does will then be infinitely better and more than I can ever imagine. Please continue to shape me also, into the woman of God you have made me to be - in your hands all things are possible. When that process is not pleasant, help me to understand that it is you working, that I may accept it and come to embrace those times as you smooth the rough edges into what you need me to become. That I may always desire your best, that you would be able to use me and that in spite of me, your name would be glorified. 

Create in me a clean heart O God...

Father God, HELP! Can you please get me out of here???

I know that this is supposed to be shaping me and molding me and strengthening me and whatever else you have for me to learn, and that hopefully it's doing something in the lives of my parents but I'm not sure it's worth it.

All I'm doing is failing and being hurt, again and again and it HURTS, God, it's really not fun. But you know this already yet you keep me here. It's only 3 months to go, yet I sometimes wonder if I can make it that long.

Everything I say comes out wrong. My every weakness and mistake is exposed, before eyes that don't know you - I'm not a good witness, I fall down at every single hurdle. Then when I think I'm doing right, parts of what I say are ignored, words are twisted and before you know it, apparently I've said and done something very different than what is fact.

I can't see one single positive thing in this situation, and I know you don't need me to help you Father, but wouldn't it be nice if I wasn't a hindrance every step of the way??? I'm not blameless in all of these situations, I know that and I admit it; but other than simply not saying a single word or not being at home, I don't see how that can be fixed. And when I'm not home then that is complained about, that I don't spend enough time with my family, but every moment that is spent here is so incredibly painful, for me and for them too, I'm sure.

God, I just long for them to know you, the love that you have for them, the grace and mercy you extend to them. Please open their eyes to who you are, Father God. Every day I learn more about who you are and understand more and see what their lives could be with you in it; and they are great people and have so much to offer, to be a part of the body of Christ, to understand where they fit in, to have a future and a hope, to know the joy that comes of being in a relationship with the creator of the universe, our Heavenly Father... I long for that day, for them, for You, for me - nobody wants to know their parents might miss out on heaven.

Father, help me to see my parents through your eyes, to love them as you love them. Please give me the words to speak into each situation, that they may see you in spite of me. Continue to smooth my rough edges, give me patience, wisdom, gentleness, kindness, self-control and above all a soft heart to what you have to say to me and a willingness to change, to learn, to grow and to love.

IF

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways,

then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

-2 Chronicles 7:14

I was in the middle of prayer and bible reading this morning when I felt this massive weight of sadness and grief and started crying so hard that it hurt and my body constricted and was shaking. Tears were coming so fast I could barely see to text a friend to pray. I had no idea what was going on, just that it was God doing something big but I didn't know what. I was confused and didn't know how to react, whether I was to pray for something, but I didn't know what as I started crying aloud and out to God, I didn't have words but he started giving me tongues - words were streaming out but I had no idea what they meant, just this overwhelming feeling of grief and sorrow more powerful than anything I've ever felt in my life. 

Then I started to get a sense of what it was that I was praying, that I was getting some of God's heart about his people and then it turned into a prayer for his people, part of which was: "God you are giving me your heart for your people - your immense sorrow that your people don't want to know you - their eyes and ears are closed, their backs are turned and hearts are cold toward you. How you weep and grieve over your people. O for revival in the church for the world to know you are the LORD God Almighty who was and is and is to come. In these last days your people are depraved - worshipping not just idols of wood and clay, but money, sex, power and THEMSELVES. When will they learn? How many times do you have to teach us before it is too late???" and at the end he gave me a scripture: 2 Chronicles 7:14 - "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land".

After I just felt drained, exhausted and reflective, but without a sense of peace that it was finished. The last few days I have been asking for him to teach me how he wants me to pray and to receive his heart. It seems that is starting to happen but I know he will only give me what I can handle - and the love I have for my parents and wanting them to know him, that times it by every single person in the world who does not know him or those who do a little but not really following him wholeheartedly and that is the heart of God in this. Something so big that only God can bear it, but I have been given a piece of it and as he feels I'm ready, more may come.

A Visit to the Farm

"When we despair of gaining inner transformation through human powers of will and determination, we are open to a wonderful new realisation: inner righteousness is a gift from God to be graciously received. The needed change within us is God's work, not ours. The demand is for an inside job, and only God can work from the inside. We cannot attain or earn this righteousness of the kingdom of God; it is a grace that is given." -Richard Foster

The quote above surmises perfectly the lesson God has been trying to teach me of late. 

Frustrated at the plateau I appeared to have reached, I have been trying everything I can to keep moving forward with God, knowing there is so far to go and so much to learn and understand but not knowing how to get there.

From left and right have come the words: "Stop trying, just be", "relax in God", "stop striving", "slow down" and on it goes. I've been brought up with the mentality that if you want to move forward, that you have to do something about it - "God helps those who helps themselves". Well I have yet to find that in the Bible and God has been showing me that is not his way.

The more I learn of God, the more I realise how much more there is to know of Him - I'll never know it all, I have a very big God. That is both an amazing and wonderful thing and for me has also been daunting and frustrating at times. In this realisation, I had moved from a place of pride to inferiority - neither is a good thing. I'd moved from being able to see the growth achieved to seeing my inadequacies and imperfections and doing everything I could to improve and change.

Change and improvement in and of themselves are not bad or wrong, but because of my understanding that for those things to occur I had to do something, I was continuously faced with a conundrum: I'd say, "Lord, I want to surrender all to you, have you lead and guide me. I want to learn how to better hear from you - now, how do I go about doing that?"

It's ironic when you think of the meaning of surrender: to let go, to relinquish control. But God has been making it clear to me that it has got to come from him. Just like we can't do anything to earn salvation - that was achieved through Christ; so I have to allow God to do the work in me, being confident that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6).

I had become frustrated at my lack of understanding/ability to allow this to happen, because simply doing nothing didn't work either; so thankfully God stepped in.

This weekend I visited a friend on a farm. It was a fun and special time sharing with an important friend and allowing God to minister to me in his way. Surrounded by beautiful mountains, varied wildlife, a relaxed atmosphere with an unhurried pace and no pressure, simply a chance to explore my surrounds, myself and my God - He was able to speak to me clearly and I listened. 

Indie - after a chat and a cuddle
we came to an understanding.
A sweet girl.

What a way to relax and unwind!
Brrrrmmmmmmm...

In a moment of calm & quiet, my friend
allowed me to take certain liberties.

Clarina knows how to make the best of some
nice hay and a beautiful day.

One of the more normal faces
that was seen this weekend.

Two good friends.

A spectacular moment captured on film!
As I nearly face-planted, something held me back
and kept me from getting dunked.
So it is with God.

I have returned from the farm with a new understanding, a new sense of peace and some wonderful memories. Now to simply be with God, walking in His disciplines as I put myself in a place where God is able to work within me and see where his path continues...
    

my limitations vs God's power

"You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant - not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life." 

-2 Corinthians 3:3-6

I acknowledge that I am yet a babe in my walk with Christ, no matter my yearning for it to be otherwise. The thing is to not let my limitations limit what God can do through me - that will always be the case; to not let ourselves limit God, no matter where we are at. As the above passage says, our competence comes from God so we need to have faith in him. After all, his power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).

Last night at my churches evening service, a friend had a word for me: each time he prayed for me, Chad felt that I didn't have enough confidence in God; that I realised all too well my limitations and wasn't allowing God to work through me in spite of myself. About 2 minutes later I had the opportunity to pray for Chad - he had a twisted pelvis and when he sat with legs out, his right leg was 1cm shorter than the left leg. After a brief prayer, I watched as Chad's right leg lengthened and evened out to be level with his left leg!! 

I'd heard of this and know of many people whom God has healed and I have no doubt that he does heal today, yet I had never had the privilege of praying and seeing the healing occur before my eyes. Now I have seen it happen, Chad said he could actually feel it happen and after I saw him stand and do various movements which had been previously been causing him pain for a few months. God is good!

It was exciting to note how God let me know there was something that needed to change, then immediately gave me the opportunity to change - simply by saying 'yes' and allowing him to move. I look forward to many similar occurrences!

Thank you Father God, for your healing hand upon Chad and for allowing me to be a tiny part of your plan. Thank you for the lesson learnt - I'm sorry for not having enough faith, but thank you that you love me enough to nudge me in the right direction and give me the chance to grow and see you do amazing things! Lord, I ask that you continue to prompt me, reveal my imperfections that they may be changed, for you to be glorified through my life, in Jesus' name. 

Psalm 119

It is clear that there must be difficulties for us in a revelation such as the Bible. If someone were to hand me a book that was as simple to me as the multiplication table, and say, 'This is the Word of God. In it He has revealed His whole will and wisdom,' I would shake my head and say, 'I cannot believe it; that is too easy to be a perfect revelation of infinite wisdom.' There must be, in any complete revelation of God's mind and will and character and being, things hard for the beginner to understand; and the wisest and best of us are but beginners. 

--R.A. Torrey

I went through psalm 119 today. It truly is the prayer of my heart. I don't know if I'll ever be able to live up to it, but I know I'll spend the rest of my life trying to do so. I do so love that it is perfect for reading aloud and speaking it as a prayer from your own heart.

Lord, I am seeking You with all of my heart. Oh that all my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees! Then I would not be put to shame when I consider all your commands. I will praise you with an upright heart as I learn your righteous laws. I will obey your decrees; do not utterly forsake me.

I pray that I would always live according to your word, Lord. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from Your commands. I am working on hiding your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Praise be to you, O Lord; teach me your decrees. I rejoice in following your statutes. I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways. I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word.

Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law. Please do not hide your commands from me. My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times. May your statutes always be my delight; they are my counsellors. 

I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word. I have recounted my ways; please answer me and teach me your decrees. Let me understand the teaching of your precepts; then I will meditate on your wonders. When my soul is weary; strengthen me according to your word. Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law. I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws. I hold fast to your statutes, O Lord; do not let me be put to shame. I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.

Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees; then I will keep them to the end. Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart. Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word. How I long for your precepts! Preserve my life in your righteousness.

May your unfailing love come to me, O LOrd, your salvation according to your promise; then I will answer the one who taunts me, for I trust in your word. Do not snatch the word of truth from my mouth, for I have put my hope in your laws. I will always obey your law, for ever and ever. I will speak of your statutes before kings and will not be put to shame, for I delight in your commands because I love them. I lift up my hands to your commands, which I love, and I meditate on your decrees. 

Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope. My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. When mocked, I do not turn from your law. I remember your ancient laws, O Lord, and I find comfort in them. Your decrees are the theme of my song wherever I lodge. In the night I remember your name, O LOrd, and I will keep your law. This has been and will always be my practice: I obey your precepts.

You are my portion, O Lord; I have promised to obey your words. I have sought your face with all my heart; be gracious to me according to your promise. I have considered my ways and have turned my steps to your statutes. I will hasten and do not delay to obey your commands. Though the wicked bind me with ropes, I will not forget your law. I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts. The earth is filled with your love, O Lord; teach me your decrees.

Teach me knowledge and good judgement, for I believe your commands. Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word. You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees. Though some have smeared me with lies, I keep your precepts with all my heart, I delight in your law. It will be good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of dollars.

Your hands made me and formed me; gave me understanding to learn your commands. May those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word. I know, O Lord, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you will afflict me. May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. Let your compassion come to me that I may live, for your law is my delight. I will meditate on your precepts in all circumstances. May those who fear you turn to me, those who understand your statutes. May my heart be blameless toward your decrees, that I may not be put to shame.

My soul faints with longing for your salvation, but I have put my hope in your word. My eyes fall, looking for your promise; I say, "When will you comfort me?". All your commands are trustworthy.

Your word, O Lord, is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens. Your faithfulness continues through all generations; you established the earth, and it endures. Your laws endure to this day. for all things serve you. If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction. I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have preserved my life. Save me, for I am yours; I have sought out your precepts. I will ponder your statutes. To all perfection I see a limit; but your commands are boundless.

Oh, how I love your law! I long to meditate on it all day long. Your commands make me wiser than my enemies, for they are ever with me. As I meditate on your statutes, you give me insight, as I obey your precepts you bring me understanding. I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey your word. How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. I have taken an oath and confirmed it, that I will follow your righteous laws. Accept, O Lord, the willing praise of my mouth, and teach me our laws. Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget your law. Your statues are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart. My heart is set on keeping your decrees to the very end.

You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word. Sustain me according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed. Uphold me, and I will be delivered; I will always have regard for your decrees. You reject all who stray from our decrees, for their deceitfulness is in vain. My flesh trembles in fear of you; I stand in awe of your laws.

Deal with your servant according to your love and teach me your decrees. I am your servant; give me discernment that I may understand your statutes. 

Your statutes are wonderful; therefore I obey them. The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple. I open my mouth and pant, longing for your commands. Turn to me and have mercy on me, as you always do to those who love your name. Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me. Make your face shine upon your servant and teach me your decrees. Streams of tears flow from my eyes, for your law is not always obeyed.

Righteous are you, O Lord, and your laws are right. The statutes you have laid down are righteous; they are fully trustworthy. My zeal wears me out, for my enemies ignore your words. Your promises have been thoroughly tested, and your servant loves them. Your righteousness is everlasting and your law is true. Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands are my delight. Your statutes are forever right; give me understanding that I may live.

I call with all my heart; answer me, O Lord, and I will obey your decrees. I call out to you; save me and I will keep your statutes. I will rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word. My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises. Hear my voice in accordance with your love; preserve my life, O Lord, according to your laws. You are near, O Lord, and all your commands are true. Long ago I learned from your statutes that you established them to last forever.

My heart trembles at your word. I rejoice in your promise like one who finds great spoil. I hate and abhor falsehood but I love your law. Seven times a day I praise you for your righteous laws. Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble. I follow your commands and I obey your statutes, for I love them greatly. I obey your precepts and your statutes, for all my ways are known to you.

May my cry come before you, O Lord; give me understanding according to your word. May my supplication come before you; deliver me according to your promise. May my lips overflow with praise for you teach me your decrees. May my tongue sing of your word, for all your commands are righteous. May your hand be ready to help me, for I have chosen your precepts. I long for you, O Lord, and your law is my delight. Let me live that I may praise you, and may your laws sustain me. I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant, for I have not forgotten your commands. 

Father God, may every word I have written here, every prayer and plea from my lips be spoken in truth. I love you, Lord and and I delight in your word. As I read and meditate over your words - now and forever - please give me discernment, wisdom and understanding. Please give me the strength and courage to obey all that you teach and all that you would ask of me; that my life may be pleasing in your sight. 

Moments

"You are wrong if you think that the joy of life comes principally from the joy of human relationships. God's place is all around us, it is in everything and in anything we can experience. People just need to change the way they look at things." -Christopher McCandless, Into the Wild

I absolutely love watching God work and particularly enjoy it when he uses me in his plans, that I get to see small parts of his plans and workings in not just my life, but also in others lives!

As I shared earlier, the past week has seen me getting out of a spiritual slump of sorts. Strengthening my awareness of God and what he's doing, I have had the privilege of seeing the beginning, middle and ends of various journeys. It's also special how often they link up - that one meeting flows from another or that you'll be made aware of a few people sharing similar circumstances and as you see parts of one, God uses it to show you how best to approach the next.

I was recently part of TeenStreet, a 6 day camp aimed at Christian highschoolers (ages 13-17). For 6 days, life consists of a main meeting where the teens are taught the principle of double vision: loving God (through God time - prayer and Bible reading, walking the narrow path, and having a net of mentors, peers and people to disciple around you) and loving others (serving, supporting and sharing your story). This is backed up with quiet time, small groups, activities/games and worship. The small groups were 6 teens and 2 leaders; this was an incredible time of sharing about God and seeing them learning about him in different ways and coming to know and want him as a bigger part of their lives.

Through TeenStreet I have also formed some incredible friendships for life. This week, one of the campers from TS opened up and shared about some of the challenges he has been facing over the past few years and how he feels that God has been setting him free, culminating at TS!

Another perk of being involved with something such as TS are the connections you can make. I was invited to help out at Shift2010. This was a Christian youth music event with over 3000 teens in attendance! Twice during the night, a gospel presentation was made through the Lifehouse Skit (if you have a few minutes, check this out it is incredibly powerful and moving) which was then explained, a testimony was given and the youth were offered a chance to respond. I had the privilege of praying for the first time with 2 teens that I had earlier connected with at the TeenStreet stall we had been running.

At school this week, I had a spare hour where I was able to connect with one of my students. I am not allowed to proselytise at school, however if a student asks a question then I am free to answer. This girl was asking about Christianity, what is prayer, sharing her journey and asking how Christ fit into that - I was overjoyed to be able to answer her questions and share with her!

A friend I haven't seen since highschool reconnected with me this week. She is going through interesting times, having declared herself a lesbian and living with her girlfriend (15 years her senior) and her girlfriend's 2 children. As we shared about our lives and she discovered that I follow Christ and yet had continued to talk with her even though I know about her choices, she has started asking questions as to why that is and many more things about God.

As we make ourselves available to Christ's leading in our lives, we will be part of special moments and see incredible things. I hope I have been a blessing to some of these people - they have certainly been a blessing to me! What special moments has God been showing you recently?

22 weeks

So, it's time for an update on mission stuff.

A few weeks ago I held a garage sale at my church. Many people contributed items to sell and finally, after much work, my family and I got up extremely early one Saturday morning and opened up shop. We had 3 tables of clothes, 4 tables of books, CDs, DVDs etc as well as everything from small knick-knacks to a lounge set and a pool table! I also had a sausage sizzle going on and let people know what the garage sale was in aid of.

God must have been smiling down on us and blessing me because in spite of a few carnivals and celebrations going on in neighbouring suburbs at the same time and feeling like things were going remarkably slowly with hardly any buyers, at the end of the morning we had made $1600!

So now I have officially booked my tickets as far as London. I will travel with a friend also heading to the ship, from Australia to Kuala Lumpur then onto London for four days before probably stopping to visit family in Holland and arriving in Germany for the pre-ship conference.

Official departure date: January 10, 2011.

Plans and Purposes

"I always learn something in these moments and often see a tiny piece of God's puzzle"







That's another thing that I often mull over: God's plans and purposes. It can be simply put that our purpose is to be in relationship with God and to glorify Him, however there's more to it than that, isn't there?

Then again, does there have to be? As long as we're in a relationship with Him, working on that relationship constantly and aiming to bring Him glory in all, everything should go okay.

In Jeremiah 29:11, God himself says: "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." He has plans. Sometimes we get to see them - or parts of them - and sometimes we don't.

I think I'm now just confusing myself and perhaps no longer making sense, if indeed I ever did! I guess that as long as we're doing the 'keeping in relationship and aiming to glorify Him' part then the rest will flow as He plans and wills, and that has to be enough!

Comments and anyone who can try to help unravel this with me - I greatly welcome your feedback!

Back on Track

Christopher Robin: "There now. Did I get your tail back on properly, Eeyore?"
Eeyore: "No matter. Most likely lose it again anyway."



It's so good to be talking properly with God again. Though really, I was still hearing from Him, reading His Word, thinking and talking about Him, reading Christian autobiographies etc. Funny how all that can be happening yet I know I'm not precisely where He wants me. I suppose, looking back, that if this is me feeling far from Him then it's a huge improvement on what was. But there's always room for more improvement!

Thankyou Lord for giving me someone with whom I can be quite open and transparent. I've always felt that I have to appear "put together" at all times although I'm definitely not, and that God's the only one who can see what's really going on - and only because He's God, not because I've actually been telling Him everything.
It's kind of odd, really; my circle of friends would tell you I'm very open and generally share easily about things that many or most people would consider quite deep and personal, yet I still feel that this week I've opened up properly for only the second or third time ever. Thankyou, friend :)

I've discovered that I really enjoy writing; whether it's just journalling or writing this blog (however infrequently that may be!). It's a time where bits and pieces of the tangled mess can be taken, placed on the table, sorted and put back in an orderly fashion. I always learn something in these moments and often see a tiny piece of God's puzzle.

It's good to be back.