my limitations vs God's power

"You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant - not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life." 

-2 Corinthians 3:3-6

I acknowledge that I am yet a babe in my walk with Christ, no matter my yearning for it to be otherwise. The thing is to not let my limitations limit what God can do through me - that will always be the case; to not let ourselves limit God, no matter where we are at. As the above passage says, our competence comes from God so we need to have faith in him. After all, his power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).

Last night at my churches evening service, a friend had a word for me: each time he prayed for me, Chad felt that I didn't have enough confidence in God; that I realised all too well my limitations and wasn't allowing God to work through me in spite of myself. About 2 minutes later I had the opportunity to pray for Chad - he had a twisted pelvis and when he sat with legs out, his right leg was 1cm shorter than the left leg. After a brief prayer, I watched as Chad's right leg lengthened and evened out to be level with his left leg!! 

I'd heard of this and know of many people whom God has healed and I have no doubt that he does heal today, yet I had never had the privilege of praying and seeing the healing occur before my eyes. Now I have seen it happen, Chad said he could actually feel it happen and after I saw him stand and do various movements which had been previously been causing him pain for a few months. God is good!

It was exciting to note how God let me know there was something that needed to change, then immediately gave me the opportunity to change - simply by saying 'yes' and allowing him to move. I look forward to many similar occurrences!

Thank you Father God, for your healing hand upon Chad and for allowing me to be a tiny part of your plan. Thank you for the lesson learnt - I'm sorry for not having enough faith, but thank you that you love me enough to nudge me in the right direction and give me the chance to grow and see you do amazing things! Lord, I ask that you continue to prompt me, reveal my imperfections that they may be changed, for you to be glorified through my life, in Jesus' name. 

Psalm 119

It is clear that there must be difficulties for us in a revelation such as the Bible. If someone were to hand me a book that was as simple to me as the multiplication table, and say, 'This is the Word of God. In it He has revealed His whole will and wisdom,' I would shake my head and say, 'I cannot believe it; that is too easy to be a perfect revelation of infinite wisdom.' There must be, in any complete revelation of God's mind and will and character and being, things hard for the beginner to understand; and the wisest and best of us are but beginners. 

--R.A. Torrey

I went through psalm 119 today. It truly is the prayer of my heart. I don't know if I'll ever be able to live up to it, but I know I'll spend the rest of my life trying to do so. I do so love that it is perfect for reading aloud and speaking it as a prayer from your own heart.

Lord, I am seeking You with all of my heart. Oh that all my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees! Then I would not be put to shame when I consider all your commands. I will praise you with an upright heart as I learn your righteous laws. I will obey your decrees; do not utterly forsake me.

I pray that I would always live according to your word, Lord. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from Your commands. I am working on hiding your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Praise be to you, O Lord; teach me your decrees. I rejoice in following your statutes. I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways. I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word.

Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law. Please do not hide your commands from me. My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times. May your statutes always be my delight; they are my counsellors. 

I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word. I have recounted my ways; please answer me and teach me your decrees. Let me understand the teaching of your precepts; then I will meditate on your wonders. When my soul is weary; strengthen me according to your word. Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law. I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws. I hold fast to your statutes, O Lord; do not let me be put to shame. I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.

Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees; then I will keep them to the end. Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart. Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word. How I long for your precepts! Preserve my life in your righteousness.

May your unfailing love come to me, O LOrd, your salvation according to your promise; then I will answer the one who taunts me, for I trust in your word. Do not snatch the word of truth from my mouth, for I have put my hope in your laws. I will always obey your law, for ever and ever. I will speak of your statutes before kings and will not be put to shame, for I delight in your commands because I love them. I lift up my hands to your commands, which I love, and I meditate on your decrees. 

Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope. My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. When mocked, I do not turn from your law. I remember your ancient laws, O Lord, and I find comfort in them. Your decrees are the theme of my song wherever I lodge. In the night I remember your name, O LOrd, and I will keep your law. This has been and will always be my practice: I obey your precepts.

You are my portion, O Lord; I have promised to obey your words. I have sought your face with all my heart; be gracious to me according to your promise. I have considered my ways and have turned my steps to your statutes. I will hasten and do not delay to obey your commands. Though the wicked bind me with ropes, I will not forget your law. I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts. The earth is filled with your love, O Lord; teach me your decrees.

Teach me knowledge and good judgement, for I believe your commands. Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word. You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees. Though some have smeared me with lies, I keep your precepts with all my heart, I delight in your law. It will be good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of dollars.

Your hands made me and formed me; gave me understanding to learn your commands. May those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word. I know, O Lord, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you will afflict me. May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. Let your compassion come to me that I may live, for your law is my delight. I will meditate on your precepts in all circumstances. May those who fear you turn to me, those who understand your statutes. May my heart be blameless toward your decrees, that I may not be put to shame.

My soul faints with longing for your salvation, but I have put my hope in your word. My eyes fall, looking for your promise; I say, "When will you comfort me?". All your commands are trustworthy.

Your word, O Lord, is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens. Your faithfulness continues through all generations; you established the earth, and it endures. Your laws endure to this day. for all things serve you. If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction. I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have preserved my life. Save me, for I am yours; I have sought out your precepts. I will ponder your statutes. To all perfection I see a limit; but your commands are boundless.

Oh, how I love your law! I long to meditate on it all day long. Your commands make me wiser than my enemies, for they are ever with me. As I meditate on your statutes, you give me insight, as I obey your precepts you bring me understanding. I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey your word. How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. I have taken an oath and confirmed it, that I will follow your righteous laws. Accept, O Lord, the willing praise of my mouth, and teach me our laws. Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget your law. Your statues are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart. My heart is set on keeping your decrees to the very end.

You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word. Sustain me according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed. Uphold me, and I will be delivered; I will always have regard for your decrees. You reject all who stray from our decrees, for their deceitfulness is in vain. My flesh trembles in fear of you; I stand in awe of your laws.

Deal with your servant according to your love and teach me your decrees. I am your servant; give me discernment that I may understand your statutes. 

Your statutes are wonderful; therefore I obey them. The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple. I open my mouth and pant, longing for your commands. Turn to me and have mercy on me, as you always do to those who love your name. Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me. Make your face shine upon your servant and teach me your decrees. Streams of tears flow from my eyes, for your law is not always obeyed.

Righteous are you, O Lord, and your laws are right. The statutes you have laid down are righteous; they are fully trustworthy. My zeal wears me out, for my enemies ignore your words. Your promises have been thoroughly tested, and your servant loves them. Your righteousness is everlasting and your law is true. Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands are my delight. Your statutes are forever right; give me understanding that I may live.

I call with all my heart; answer me, O Lord, and I will obey your decrees. I call out to you; save me and I will keep your statutes. I will rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word. My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises. Hear my voice in accordance with your love; preserve my life, O Lord, according to your laws. You are near, O Lord, and all your commands are true. Long ago I learned from your statutes that you established them to last forever.

My heart trembles at your word. I rejoice in your promise like one who finds great spoil. I hate and abhor falsehood but I love your law. Seven times a day I praise you for your righteous laws. Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble. I follow your commands and I obey your statutes, for I love them greatly. I obey your precepts and your statutes, for all my ways are known to you.

May my cry come before you, O Lord; give me understanding according to your word. May my supplication come before you; deliver me according to your promise. May my lips overflow with praise for you teach me your decrees. May my tongue sing of your word, for all your commands are righteous. May your hand be ready to help me, for I have chosen your precepts. I long for you, O Lord, and your law is my delight. Let me live that I may praise you, and may your laws sustain me. I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant, for I have not forgotten your commands. 

Father God, may every word I have written here, every prayer and plea from my lips be spoken in truth. I love you, Lord and and I delight in your word. As I read and meditate over your words - now and forever - please give me discernment, wisdom and understanding. Please give me the strength and courage to obey all that you teach and all that you would ask of me; that my life may be pleasing in your sight. 

Moments

"You are wrong if you think that the joy of life comes principally from the joy of human relationships. God's place is all around us, it is in everything and in anything we can experience. People just need to change the way they look at things." -Christopher McCandless, Into the Wild

I absolutely love watching God work and particularly enjoy it when he uses me in his plans, that I get to see small parts of his plans and workings in not just my life, but also in others lives!

As I shared earlier, the past week has seen me getting out of a spiritual slump of sorts. Strengthening my awareness of God and what he's doing, I have had the privilege of seeing the beginning, middle and ends of various journeys. It's also special how often they link up - that one meeting flows from another or that you'll be made aware of a few people sharing similar circumstances and as you see parts of one, God uses it to show you how best to approach the next.

I was recently part of TeenStreet, a 6 day camp aimed at Christian highschoolers (ages 13-17). For 6 days, life consists of a main meeting where the teens are taught the principle of double vision: loving God (through God time - prayer and Bible reading, walking the narrow path, and having a net of mentors, peers and people to disciple around you) and loving others (serving, supporting and sharing your story). This is backed up with quiet time, small groups, activities/games and worship. The small groups were 6 teens and 2 leaders; this was an incredible time of sharing about God and seeing them learning about him in different ways and coming to know and want him as a bigger part of their lives.

Through TeenStreet I have also formed some incredible friendships for life. This week, one of the campers from TS opened up and shared about some of the challenges he has been facing over the past few years and how he feels that God has been setting him free, culminating at TS!

Another perk of being involved with something such as TS are the connections you can make. I was invited to help out at Shift2010. This was a Christian youth music event with over 3000 teens in attendance! Twice during the night, a gospel presentation was made through the Lifehouse Skit (if you have a few minutes, check this out it is incredibly powerful and moving) which was then explained, a testimony was given and the youth were offered a chance to respond. I had the privilege of praying for the first time with 2 teens that I had earlier connected with at the TeenStreet stall we had been running.

At school this week, I had a spare hour where I was able to connect with one of my students. I am not allowed to proselytise at school, however if a student asks a question then I am free to answer. This girl was asking about Christianity, what is prayer, sharing her journey and asking how Christ fit into that - I was overjoyed to be able to answer her questions and share with her!

A friend I haven't seen since highschool reconnected with me this week. She is going through interesting times, having declared herself a lesbian and living with her girlfriend (15 years her senior) and her girlfriend's 2 children. As we shared about our lives and she discovered that I follow Christ and yet had continued to talk with her even though I know about her choices, she has started asking questions as to why that is and many more things about God.

As we make ourselves available to Christ's leading in our lives, we will be part of special moments and see incredible things. I hope I have been a blessing to some of these people - they have certainly been a blessing to me! What special moments has God been showing you recently?

22 weeks

So, it's time for an update on mission stuff.

A few weeks ago I held a garage sale at my church. Many people contributed items to sell and finally, after much work, my family and I got up extremely early one Saturday morning and opened up shop. We had 3 tables of clothes, 4 tables of books, CDs, DVDs etc as well as everything from small knick-knacks to a lounge set and a pool table! I also had a sausage sizzle going on and let people know what the garage sale was in aid of.

God must have been smiling down on us and blessing me because in spite of a few carnivals and celebrations going on in neighbouring suburbs at the same time and feeling like things were going remarkably slowly with hardly any buyers, at the end of the morning we had made $1600!

So now I have officially booked my tickets as far as London. I will travel with a friend also heading to the ship, from Australia to Kuala Lumpur then onto London for four days before probably stopping to visit family in Holland and arriving in Germany for the pre-ship conference.

Official departure date: January 10, 2011.

Plans and Purposes

"I always learn something in these moments and often see a tiny piece of God's puzzle"







That's another thing that I often mull over: God's plans and purposes. It can be simply put that our purpose is to be in relationship with God and to glorify Him, however there's more to it than that, isn't there?

Then again, does there have to be? As long as we're in a relationship with Him, working on that relationship constantly and aiming to bring Him glory in all, everything should go okay.

In Jeremiah 29:11, God himself says: "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." He has plans. Sometimes we get to see them - or parts of them - and sometimes we don't.

I think I'm now just confusing myself and perhaps no longer making sense, if indeed I ever did! I guess that as long as we're doing the 'keeping in relationship and aiming to glorify Him' part then the rest will flow as He plans and wills, and that has to be enough!

Comments and anyone who can try to help unravel this with me - I greatly welcome your feedback!

Back on Track

Christopher Robin: "There now. Did I get your tail back on properly, Eeyore?"
Eeyore: "No matter. Most likely lose it again anyway."



It's so good to be talking properly with God again. Though really, I was still hearing from Him, reading His Word, thinking and talking about Him, reading Christian autobiographies etc. Funny how all that can be happening yet I know I'm not precisely where He wants me. I suppose, looking back, that if this is me feeling far from Him then it's a huge improvement on what was. But there's always room for more improvement!

Thankyou Lord for giving me someone with whom I can be quite open and transparent. I've always felt that I have to appear "put together" at all times although I'm definitely not, and that God's the only one who can see what's really going on - and only because He's God, not because I've actually been telling Him everything.
It's kind of odd, really; my circle of friends would tell you I'm very open and generally share easily about things that many or most people would consider quite deep and personal, yet I still feel that this week I've opened up properly for only the second or third time ever. Thankyou, friend :)

I've discovered that I really enjoy writing; whether it's just journalling or writing this blog (however infrequently that may be!). It's a time where bits and pieces of the tangled mess can be taken, placed on the table, sorted and put back in an orderly fashion. I always learn something in these moments and often see a tiny piece of God's puzzle.

It's good to be back.